434. When a man and woman marry, they are to be united as one.
435. Marriage is ordained of God and is designed to be an eternal union of man and woman.
437. A marriage not performed with the sealing power of the priesthood is not valid after this life.
439. Husbands are to love and be considerate of their wives.
440. Husbands are not to abuse their wives.
441. Wives are to follow the righteous counsel of their husbands.
442. Divorce contravenes the law of God.
See topic FAMILY AND PARENTHOOD
434. When a man and woman marry, they are to be united as one.
recorded in Mark
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8. And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Jesus answers the Pharisees, teaching the higher law of marriage) Mark 10:6-9
[O]ur partnerships with our eternal companions, our wives, must be full partnerships. . . .
Our sisters do not wish to be indulged or to be treated condescendingly; they desire to be respected and revered as our sisters and our equals. . . . We will be judged, as the Savior said on several occasions, by whether or not we love one another and treat one another accordingly and by whether or not we are of one heart and one mind. We cannot be the Lord's if we are not one CR1979Oct:71-72
This is the very heart and core of the whole matter. God made man, male and female created he them, so they could marry; so they could provide bodies for his spirit children; so they could create for themselves eternal family units. God brought the woman unto the man and gave her to him to be his wife. He did it in Eden, before the fall; all things were then immortal; death had not entered the world. The first marriage—performed by the Lord God himself—was a celestial marriage, an eternal marriage, a union of Adam and Eve that was destined to last forever. There was no death; there was to be no divorce; the man and his wife were to be one flesh forever. Such was the pattern. All men thereafter should be as their first parents. Men and women should marry as did Adam and Eve—in celestial marriage—and should cleave unto each other as the divine pattern required. What God does is forever. And what he hath joined in eternal union, let not man put asunder. Divorce is no part of the eternal plan. (The Mortal Messiah, 3:294-95) TLDP:383
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (Paul writes to the Saints at Ephesus in Asia Minor, about A.D. 62) Ephesians 5:31
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. . . .
24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Revelation to Moses with respect to the Creation; woman is created) Genesis 2:18,24
Wherefore, it is lawful that he should have one wife, and they twain shall be one flesh, and all this that the earth might answer the end of its creation; (Revelation refuting the Shaker doctrine of celibacy, March 1831) D&C 49:16-17
You should be attracted to one another and to marry. Then, and only then, may you worthily respond to the strong and good and constant desire to express that love through which children will bless your lives. By commandment of God our Father, that must happen only between husband and wife—man and woman—committed to one another in the covenant of marriage. (CR 2000Oct; “Ye Are the Temple of God”, Ensign, November 2000, p.72)
Related Witnesses:
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: (Letter to the Church at Corinth, Greece, about A.D. 55) 1 Corinthians 7:10
Adam and Eve provide us with an ideal example of a covenant marriage relationship. They labored together; they had children together; they prayed together; and they taught their children the gospel—together. This is the pattern God would have all righteous men and women imitate. (Woman, p. 70) TLDP:388
receiving the Word of the Lord
Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. (Revelation "embracing the law of the Church," Feb. 9, 1831) D&C 42:22
In a properly charted Latter-day Saint marriage, one must be conscious of the need to forget self and love one's companion more than self. There will not be postponement of parenthood, but a desire for children as the Lord intended, and without limiting the family as the world does. The children will be wanted and loved. There will be fidelity and confidence; eyes will never wander and thoughts will never stray toward extra-marital romance. In a very literal sense, husband and wife will keep themselves for each other only, in mind and body and spirit. . . .
There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in definite terms: "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." (D&C 42:22) [Italics added.]
The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse. We sometimes find women who absorb and hover over the children at the expense of the husband, sometimes even estranging them from him. This is in direct violation of the command: None else. (The Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 250) TLDP:387
Author's Note: Definition of to cleave: To adhere closely. To remain faithful. (The Random House Dictionary of the English Language, p. 384)
435. Marriage is ordained of God and is designed to be an eternal union of man and woman.
Now let us consider the first marriage that was performed after the earth was organized [Adam and Eve]. . . . Here was a marriage performed by the Lord between two immortal beings, for until sin entered the world their bodies were not subject to death. He made them one, not merely for time, for any definite period; they were to be one throughout the eternal ages. (Decisions for Successful Living, p. 125) DGSM:75-76
Why did He teach us the principle of eternal union of man and wife? Because God knew that we were His children here, to remain His children forever and ever, and that we were just as truly individuals, and that our individuality was as identical as that of the Son of God, and would therefore continue . . . worlds without end, so that the man receiving his wife by the power of God, for time and for all eternity, would have the right to claim her and she to claim her husband, in the world to come. Neither would be changed, except from mortality to immortality, neither would be other than himself or herself, but they will have their identity in the world to come, precisely as they exercise their individuality and enjoy their identity here. God has revealed this principle, and it has its bearing upon the evidence that we possess of the actual, literal resurrection of the body, just as it is and as the prophets have declared it in the Book of Mormon. CR1912Apr:136-37
To the Latter-day Saints, marriage is not designed by our heavenly Father to be merely an earthly union, but one that shall survive the vicissitudes of time, and endure for eternity, bestowing honor and joy in this world, glory and eternal lives in the worlds to come. (Address from the First Presidency of the Church to the world, delivered to and accepted by vote of the Church in general conference, April 1907) CR1907Apr(Appendix)7
receiving the Word of the Lord
And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.
20. Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. (Revelation relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternal nature of the marriage covenant, July 12, 1843, [1831]) D&C 132:19-20
Under the law of God a man and woman should be joined together for all eternity, she to be bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh, spirit answering to spirit, soul to soul, joined together with an eternal bond, to exist in life, in death, in the resurrection, and throughout the countless ages of eternity; this was the union at "the beginning;" that is the right kind of marriage, and the marriage that we Latter-day Saints should support and sustain and teach to our children, that they may enter into it prepared to gain the benefits thereof. CR1911Apr:37
The greatest joys of true married life can be continued. The most beautiful relationships of parents and children can be made permanent. The holy association of families can be never-ending if husband and wife have been sealed in the holy bond of eternal matrimony. Their joys and progress will never end, but this will never fall into place of its own accord. . . .
God has restored the knowledge of temples and their purposes. On the earth this day are holy structures built to this special work of the Lord, and each is the house of the Lord. In these temples, by duly constituted authority, are men who can seal husbands and wives and their children for all eternity. This is a fact even though it is unknown to many. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 297; sermon, 1974) DGSM:75
Marriage, as regarded by the Latter-day Saints, is ordained of God and designed to be an eternal relationship of the sexes. With this people it is not merely a temporal contract to be of effect on earth during the mortal existence of the parties, but a solemn agreement which is to extend beyond the grave. In the complete ordinance of marriage, the man and the woman are placed under covenant of mutual fidelity, not "until death doth you part," but "for time and for all eternity." A contract as far reaching as this, extending not only throughout time but into the domain of the hereafter, requires for its validation an authority superior to that of earth; and such an authority is found in the Holy Priesthood, which, given of God, is eternal. Any power less than this, while of effect in this life, is void as to the state of the human soul beyond the grave. AF:403
In the first place, we believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. We believe that marriage may be eternal through exercise of the power of the everlasting priesthood in the house of the Lord. (CR 1998Oct; What Are People Asking about Us?, Ensign, November 1998, p.70)
“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed. (CR 1995Oct; Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World, Ensign, November 1995, p.98)
You should be attracted to one another and to marry. Then, and only then, may you worthily respond to the strong and good and constant desire to express that love through which children will bless your lives. By commandment of God our Father, that must happen only between husband and wife—man and woman—committed to one another in the covenant of marriage. (CR 2000Oct; “Ye Are the Temple of God”, Ensign, November 2000, p.72)
Related Witnesses:
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
12. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. (Letter to the Church at Corinth, Greece, about A.D. 55) 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
Marriage is ordained of God. It is not merely a social custom. Without proper and successful marriage, one will never be exalted. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 291; sermon, 1971) DGSM:75
There is no doubt in the mind of any true Latter-day Saint, man or woman, as to the fact of individual existence beyond the grave, as to the fact that we shall know each other, and as to the endless duration of the covenant of marriage that has been performed in the house of the Lord for time and eternity. ("A Promise of Possibilities," IE1941Jun:329) TLDP:382
recorded in Matthew
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Jesus answers the Pharisees and teaches about marriage and divorce) Matthew 19:5-6
And again, verily I say unto you, that whoso forbiddeth to marry is not ordained of God, for marriage is ordained of God unto man.
16. Wherefore, it is lawful that he should have one wife, and they twain shall be one flesh, and all this that the earth might answer the end of its creation;
17. And that it might be filled with the measure of man, according to his creation before the world was made. (Revelation refuting the Shaker doctrine of celibacy, March 1831) D&C 49:15-17
It is the normal thing to marry. It was arranged by God in the beginning, long before this world's mountains were ever formed. Remember: "Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man." (1 Corinthians 11:11) . . . Every person should want to be married because that is what God in heaven planned for us. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 291; sermon, 1976) DGSM:75
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. (Reflections of a son of David the king) Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
436. The temple marriage sealing ordinance is essential for exaltation in the celestial kingdom (it is a prerequisite to exaltation in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom).
For remember, brethren, that only those who enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage in the temple for time and eternity, only those will have the exaltation in the celestial kingdom. That is what the Lord tells us. CR1973Oct:120
Clearly, attaining eternal life is not a matter of goodness only. This is one of the two important elements, but one must practice righteousness and receive the ordinances. People who do not bring their lives into harmony with God's laws and who do not receive the necessary ordinances either in this life or (if that is impossible) in the next, have thus deprived themselves, and will remain separate and single in the eternities. There they will have no spouses, no children. If one is going to be in God's kingdom of exaltation, where God dwells in all his glory, one will be there as a husband or a wife and not otherwise. Regardless of his virtues, the single person, or the one married for this life only, cannot be exalted. All normal people should marry and rear families. To quote Brigham Young: "No man can be perfect without the woman, so no woman can be perfect without a man to lead her. I tell you the truth as it is in the bosom of eternity. If he wishes to be saved, he cannot be saved without a woman by his side."
Celestial marriage is that important. (The Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 245) TLDP:380
In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
2. And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood, meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage;
3. And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
4. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase. (Instructions, May 16/17, 1843) D&C 131:1-4
Without the sealing ordinances of temple marriage, man cannot achieve a godlike stature or receive a fullness of joy because the unmarried person is not a whole person, is not complete. ("The LDS Concept of Marriage," IE1962Aug:572) TLDP:380
I remember we had in our community in Arizona a good man who passed away. He and his lovely wife had resisted the teachings of the Church. And the wife, when he died, said, "I know that we will be associated as husband and wife through eternity." But she could say that a thousand times and it would still not come true because they were not humble enough to accept the law of marriage. They may receive other blessings, but not exaltation. That is reserved for those who are faithful and who obey the commandments. (Tokyo Japan area conference, Aug. 1975) DGSM:77
Except a man and his wife enter into an everlasting covenant and be married for eternity, while in this probation, by the power and authority of the Holy Priesthood, they will cease to increase when they die; that is, they will not have any children after the resurrection. But those who are married by the power and authority of the priesthood in this life, and continue without committing the sin against the Holy Ghost, will continue to increase and have children in the celestial glory. (Instructions on the priesthood given Brother and Sister Benjamin F. John son at Ramus, Ill., May 16, 1843) HC5:391
Since marriage is ordained of God, and the man is not without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord, there can be no exaltation to the fullness of the blessings of the celestial kingdom outside of the marriage relation. A man cannot be exalted singly and alone; neither can a woman. Each must have a companion to share the honors and blessings of this great exaltation. Marriage for time and all eternity brings to pass the crowning glory of our Father's kingdom by which his children become his heirs, into whose hands he gives all things.
If a man and his wife are saved in separate kingdoms, for instance, the celestial and terrestrial, automatically the sealing is broken; it is broken because of the sins of one of the parties. No one can be deprived of exaltation who remains faithful. In other words, an undeserving husband cannot prevent a faithful wife from an exaltation and vice versa. In this case the faithful servant would be given to someone who is faithful. (Doctrines of Salvation, 2:65) TLDP:379
receiving the Word of the Lord
And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.
20. Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. (Revelation relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternal nature of the marriage covenant, July 12, 1843, [1831]) D&C 132:19-20
This system of holy matrimony, involving covenants for both time and eternity, is known distinctively as Celestial Marriage, and is understood to be the order of marriage that exists in the celestial worlds. This sacred ordinance is administered by the Church to those only who are adjudged to be of worthy life, fit to be admitted to the House of the Lord; for this holy rite, together with others of eternal validity, may be solemnized only within the temples reared and dedicated for such exalted service. . . .
. . . . The ordinance of celestial marriage, whereby the contracting parties, whether living or dead, are united under the authority of the Holy Priesthood for time and eternity, is known distinctively as the ceremony of Sealing in Marriage. Husband and wife so united are said to be sealed, whereas if united under the lesser law for time only, either by secular or ecclesiastical authority, they are only married. HL:88-89
Related Witnesses:
All persons who attain to the resurrection, and to salvation, without these eternal ordinances, or sealing covenants, will remain in a single state, in their saved condition, without the joys of eternal union with the other sex, and consequently without a crown, without a kingdom, without the power to increase.
Hence, they are angels, and are not gods; and are ministering spirits, or servants, in the employ and under the direction of the Royal Family of heaven—the princes, kings and priests of eternity. (Key to the Science of Theology, pp. 169-70) TLDP:379
Marriage is ordained of God. It is not merely a social custom. Without proper and successful marriage, one will never be exalted. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 291; sermon, 1976) DGSM:75
No one who voluntarily rejects marriage here in mortality has any assurance of eternal life. ("Marriage is Honorable," Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year, 1973, p. 268) TLDP:380
Men are not saved alone and women do not gain an eternal fulness except in and through the continuation of the family unit in eternity. Salvation is a family affair.
. . . . That is, the man and his wife together, and not either one of them alone, shall be exalted. They shall have eternal life; they shall fill the full measure of their creation; they shall inherit, receive, and possess all things. ACR(Nuku'alofa)1976:34
The new and everlasting covenant of celestial marriage is the gate to exaltation in the celestial kingdom. CR1962Apr:17
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
12. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. (Letter to the Church at Corinth, Greece, about A.D. 55) 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
437. A marriage not performed with the sealing power of the priesthood is not valid after this life.
President Heber J. Grant, J. Reuben Clark, Jr., David O. McKay
Unless man and wife are married by the power of God and by his authority, they become single again, they have no claim upon each other, after death; their contract is filled by that time, and is therefore of no force in and after the resurrection from the dead, nor after they are dead; . . . therefore, when they are out of the world, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but become as angels in heaven. ("Marriage God-Ordained and Sanctioned," IE1902Jul:716) TLDP:381
receiving the Word of the Lord
Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world.
16. Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory.
17. For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever. (Revelation relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternal nature of the marriage covenant, July 12, 1843, [1831]) D&C 132:15-17
(First Presidency)
Amongst His earliest commands to Adam and Eve, the Lord said: "Multiply and replenish the earth." He has repeated that commandment in our day. He has again revealed in this, the last dispensation, the principle of the eternity of the marriage covenant. He has restored to the earth the authority for entering into that covenant, and has declared that it is the only due and proper way of joining husband and wife, and the only means by which the sacred family relationship may be carried beyond the grave and through eternity. He has declared that this eternal relationship may be created only by the ordinances which are administered in the holy temples of the Lord, and therefore that His people should marry only in His temple in accordance with such ordinances. CR1942Oct:12
Naturally, if men and women, when they marry become members of the family of God, and are entitled to the blessings of eternal increase after the resurrection, the ordinance and covenant of marriage must be by divine authority. The privilege to perform such marriages cannot be promiscuously assumed by any individual or minister. There is but one at a time who holds these divine keys. He has the authority to delegate authority to others to perform marriages for time and for all eternity, and unless this authority is granted, marriages for time and eternity would not be binding beyond this mortal life. Naturally those who wish to marry must subscribe to the laws of the state. No minister or even elder of the Church has the authority to perform marriages and seal for time and all eternity except those who have been duly delegated the authority from the one who holds these divine keys—the President of the Church. (Answers to Gospel Questions, 4:146) TLDP:381
Related Witnesses:
receiving the Word of the Lord
And verily I say unto you, that the conditions of this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have appointed on the earth to hold this power (and I have appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this power in the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead. (Revelation relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternal nature of the marriage covenant, July 12, 1843, [1831]) D&C 132:7
Why is a woman sealed to man for time and all eternity? Because there is legitimate power on earth to do it. This power will bind on earth and in heaven; it can loose on earth, and it is loosed in heaven; it can seal on earth, and it is sealed in heaven. There is a legitimate, authorized agent of God upon earth; this sealing power is regulated by him; hence what is done by that, is done right, and is recorded. When the books are opened, every one will find his proper mate and have those that belong to him, and every one will be deprived of that which is surreptitiously obtained. (General conference, April 1853, JD1:232) TLDP:381
Marriage covenants authorized and sealed by that God-given power, endure, if the parties thereto are true to their troth, not through mortal life alone, but through time and all eternity. Thus the worthy husband and wife who have been sealed under the everlasting covenant shall come forth in the day of the resurrection to receive their heritage of glory, immortality, and eternal lives. (Young Womens' Journal, Oct. 1914, p. 604) DGSM:77
Seal is the right word, therefore, to be used to represent spiritual authority. In this case it is not represented by an imprint, by a wax impression, by an embossment, or by a ribbon; nor by an engravement on a signet, or by a stamp, or by a gold design pressed onto a document. The seal of official authority relating to spiritual matters, like other things spiritual, can be identified by the influence that is felt when the sealing power is exercised.
The sealing power represents the transcendent delegation of spiritual authority from God to man. The keeper of that sealing power is the Lord's chief representative here upon earth. That is the position of consummate trust and authority. We speak often of holding the key to that sealing power in the Church.
Much of the teaching relating to the deeper spiritual things in the Church, particularly in the temple, is symbolic. We use the word keys in a symbolic way. Here the keys of priesthood authority represent the limits of the power extended from beyond the veil to mortal man to act in the name of God upon the earth. The words seal and keys and priesthood are closely linked together. (The Holy Temple, p. 82) DGSM:76
recorded in Matthew
And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: . . . (Jesus instructs his disciples, he addresses Peter) Matthew 16:19
438. A couple whose marriage is sealed by the power of the priesthood must yet live righteously throughout life for that marriage to survive death.
Now, all Latter-day Saints are not going to be exalted. All people who have been through the holy temple are not going to be exalted. The Lord says, "Few there be that find it." For there are the two elements: (1) the sealing of a marriage in the holy temple, and (2) righteous living through one's life thereafter to make that sealing permanent. Only through proper marriage—and I repeat that—only through proper marriage . . . can one find that strait way, the narrow path. No one can ever have life, real life, in any other way under any other program. ("Marriage is Honorable," Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year, 1973, pp. 265-66) TLDP:183
We can say most positively that all those who are married in the temple for time and all eternity receive their blessings and enter their covenants with these promises based upon their faithfulness. If it so happens that they do sin and break their covenants, but have not sinned unto death, they will have to repent completely and faithfully of all their sins or they will never enter the celestial glory. No unrepentant person who remains in his sins will ever enter into the glories of the celestial kingdom. (Answers to Gospel Questions, 1:73) TLDP:183
But those who are married by the power and authority of the priesthood in this life, and continue without committing the sin against the Holy Ghost, will continue to increase and have children in the celestial glory. (Instructions on the priesthood to Brother and Sister Benjamin F. John son at Ramus, Ill., May 16, 1843) TPJS:300-01; HC5:391; DGSM:77
Righteous acts are approved of the Lord; they are ratified by the Holy Ghost; they are sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise; or, in other words, they are justified by the Spirit. Such divine approval must be given to "all covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations"—that is, to all things—if they are to have "efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead." (D&C 132:7) Such a requirement is part of the terms and conditions of the gospel covenant.
. . . . In the eternal sense, Israel consists of the members of the Church who keep the commandments and are thereby justified in this life and saved in the life to come. The wicked, of course, are not justified. (Alma 41:13-15(The Promised Messiah, pp. 344-45) TLDP:333
receiving the Word of the Lord
And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. (Revelation relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternal nature of the marriage covenant, July 12, 1843, [1831]) D&C 132:19
Related Witnesses:
Those who are faithful will continue to increase, and this is the great blessing the Lord has given to, or placed within the reach of, the children of man, even to be capable of receiving eternal lives.
To have such a promise so sealed upon our heads, which no power on earth, in heaven, or beneath the earth can take from us, to be sealed up to the day of redemption and have the promise of eternal lives, is the greatest gift of all. (In Tabernacle, June 3, 1855, JD2:301) TLDP:384-85
Author's Note: Elder Bruce R. McConkie, prior to his calling to be a latter-day prophet/apostle, wrote the following, which has since been quoted in the Church published Doctrines of the Gospel Student Manual: "The Holy Spirit of Promise is the Holy Spirit promised the saints, or in other words the Holy Ghost. This name-title is used in connection with the sealing and ratifying power of the Holy Ghost, that is, the power given him to ratify and approve the righteous acts of men so that those acts will be binding on earth and in heaven. . . .
To seal is to ratify, to justify, or to approve. Thus an act which is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise is one which is ratified by the Holy Ghost; it is one which is approved by the Lord; and the person who has taken the obligation upon himself is justified by the Spirit in the thing he has done.
The ratifying seal of approval is put upon an act only if those entering the contract are worthy as a result of personal righteousness to receive the divine approbation. They "are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true." (D&C 76:53) If they are not just and true and worthy the ratifying seal is withheld. (Mormon Doctrine, pp. 361-62; DGSM:77)
439. Husbands are to love and be considerate of their wives.
As the Lord loves his church and serves it, so men should love their wives and serve them and their families. . . .
Husbands are commanded: "Love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." (Ephesians 5:25) And that is a high ambition.
And here is the answer: Christ loved the Church and its people so much that he voluntarily endured persecution for them, suffered humiliating indignities for them, stoically withstood pain and physical abuse for them, and finally gave his precious life for them.
When the husband is ready to treat his household in that manner, not only the wife, but all the family will respond to his leadership. Certainly if fathers are to be respected, they must merit respect. If they are to be loved, they must be consistent, lovable, understanding, and kind and must honor their priesthood. ACR(Stockholm)1974:46-47
Gordon B. Hinckley
As a husband [a man], would live with respect for his wife, standing side by side with her, never belittling her nor demeaning her but rather encouraging her in the continued development of her talents and in the church activities which are available to her. He would regard her as the greatest treasure of his life, one with whom he can share his concerns, his innermost thoughts, his ambitions and hopes. There would never be in that home any "unrighteous dominion" of husband over wife (see D&C 121:37,39), no assertion of superiority, but rather an expression in living which says that these two are equally yoked.
No man can please his Heavenly Father who fails to respect the daughters of God. No man can please his Heavenly Father who fails to magnify his wife and companion, and nurture and build and strengthen and share with her. CR1985Apr:65
Let us instruct young people who come to us, to know that a woman should be queen of her own body. The marriage covenant does not give the man the right to enslave her or to abuse her or to use her merely for the gratification of his passion. Your marriage ceremony does not give you that right.
Second, let them remember that gentleness and consideration after the ceremony [are] just as appropriate and necessary and beautiful as gentleness and consideration before the wedding.
Third, let us realize that manhood is not undermined by the practicing of continence, notwithstanding what some psychiatrists claim. Chastity is the crown of beautiful womanhood, and self-control is the source of true manhood, if you will know it, not indulgence. . . .
Let us teach our young men to enter into matrimony with the idea that each will be just as courteous and considerate of a wife after the ceremony as during courtship. CR1952Apr:86-87; TLDP:389
Brethren, love your wives. Be kind to your wives. They are not your chattels. They do not belong to you for your service. They are your partners. Love them; really love them, and stay close to them, and consider with them the family problems. And the Lord will bring down upon you blessings you have been unable to even imagine at this time. ACR(Stockholm)1974:104
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Paul writes to the Saints at Ephesus in Asia Minor, about A.D. 62) Ephesians 5:25-33
Related Witnesses:
receiving the Word of the Lord
Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. (Revelation "embracing the law of the Church," Feb. 9, 1831) D&C 42:22
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. (Letter from prison to the Church in Colossae, Asia Minor, about A.D. 60) Colossians 3:19
There are a few simple, relevant questions which each person, whether married or contemplating marriage, should honestly ask in an effort to become "one flesh." They are:
First, am I able to think of the interest of my marriage and partner first before I think of my own desires?
Second, how deep is my commitment to my companion, aside from any other interests?
Third, is he or she my best friend?
Fourth, do I have respect for the dignity of my partner as a person of worth and value?
Fifth, do we quarrel over money? Money itself seems neither to make a couple happy, nor the lack of it, necessarily, to make them unhappy, but money is often a symbol of selfishness.
Sixth, is there a spiritually sanctifying bond between us? CR1977Oct:13
Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken. . . . (Revelation, April 30, 1832) D&C 83:2
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun. . . . (Reflections of a son of David the king) Ecclesiastes 9:9
440. Husbands are not to abuse their wives.
Let us instruct young people who come to us, to know that a woman should be queen of her own body. The marriage covenant does not give the man the right to enslave her or to abuse her or to use her merely for the gratification of his passion. Your marriage ceremony does not give you that right.
Second, let them remember that gentleness and consideration after the ceremony [are] just as appropriate and necessary and beautiful as gentleness and consideration before the wedding.
Third, let us realize that manhood is not undermined by the practicing of continence, notwithstanding what some psychiatrists claim. CR1952Apr:86-87; TLDP:389
Recognizing her as a co-creator with God, will any of us attempt to seduce her, or defile her, or abuse her? Identifying her as a daughter of God, and a co-creator of life with him, do we not see why the Almighty places sex sin next to murder in his category of crime? Is there anything Christlike in any act that would degrade womanhood or cheapen the true concept of motherhood?
Or is it Christlike to be cruel or unkind to any woman, or even discourteous, whether in public or in private? Which of us has the right to belittle his wife in or out of the home, as some habitually do? CR1968Oct:101
[C]onditions that cause divorce are violations of [Christ's] divine teachings. Some of these are:
Unfaithfulness on the part of either the husband or wife, or both, habitual drunkenness, physical violence, long imprisonment that disgraces the wife and family, the union of an innocent girl to a reprobate—in these and perhaps other cases there may be circumstances which make the continuance of the marriage state a greater evil than divorce. But these are extreme cases—they are the mistakes, the calamities in the realm of marriage. If we could remove them I would say there never should be a divorce. It is Christ's ideal that home and marriage should be perpetual—eternal. (Treasures of Life, pp. 66-67) TLDP:396
Now it does not make any difference to me what a man's politics is; as long as he observes the advice of our Heavenly Father, he will be a safe companion and associate. We should not lose our tempers and abuse one another. I want to say that nobody ever abused anybody else when he had the spirit of the Lord. It is always when we have some other spirit. CR1950Oct:7-8
How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse. Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. Though he may have been ordained, the heavens will withdraw, the Spirit of the Lord will be grieved, and it will be amen to the authority of the priesthood of that man. (CR 2002Apr; Personal Worthiness to Exercise the Priesthood, Ensign, May 2002, p.52)
We condemn most strongly abusive behavior in any form. We denounce the physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse of ones spouse or children. Our proclamation on the family declares: Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs. Husbands and wivesmothers and fatherswill be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102). ¶ No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to hold the priesthood of God. No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to be a member in good standing in this Church. The abuse of ones spouse and children is a most serious offense before God, and any who indulge in it may expect to be disciplined by the Church. (CR 1998Oct; What Are People Asking about Us?, Ensign, November 1998, p.70)
Related Witnesses:
For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.
32. And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.
33. For they shall not lead away captive the daughters of my people because of their tenderness, save I shall visit them with a sore curse, even unto destruction; for they shall not commit whoredoms, like unto them of old, saith the Lord of Hosts. . . .
35. Behold, ye have done greater iniquities than the Lamanites, our brethren. Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives. . . . (Jacob speaks to the people of Nephi denouncing unchastity) Jacob 2:31-33,35
We are greatly concerned with the fact that the press continues to report many cases of child abuse. We are much concerned that there would be a single parent that would inflict damages on a child. . . .
Let no Latter-day Saint parent ever be guilty of the heinous crime of abusing one of Christ's little ones CR1978Apr:5
Total chastity before marriage and total fidelity after are still the standard from which there can be no deviation without sin, misery, and unhappiness. The breaking of the seventh commandment usually means the breaking of one or more homes.
Delinquent adults still tend to produce delinquent children. . . . CR1980Oct:4
Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom ye hate because of their filthiness and the cursing which hath come upon their skins, are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our father—that they should have save it were one wife, and concubines they should have none, and there should not be whoredoms committed among them.
6. And now, this commandment they observe to keep; wherefore, because of this observance, in keeping this commandment, the Lord God will not destroy them, but will be merciful unto them; and one day they shall become a blessed people.
7. Behold, their husbands love their wives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children; and their unbelief and their hatred towards you is because of the iniquity of their fathers; wherefore, how much better are you than they, in the sight of your great Creator? (Jacob addresses the Nephites and directs his words to those who are not pure in heart, 544-421 B.C.) Jacob 3:5-7
441. Wives are to follow the righteous counsel of their husbands.
One of the most provocative and profound statements in holy writ is that of Paul wherein he directs husbands and wives in their duty to each other and to the family. First, he commands the women: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: And he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (Ephesians 5:22-24
If you analyze that very carefully, you can see that the Lord is not requiring women to be subject to their husbands if their husbands are bad and wicked and demanding. This is no idle jest, no facetious matter. Much is said in those few words "as unto the Lord." As the Lord loves his church and serves it, so men should love their wives and serve them and their families.
A woman would have no fears of being imposed upon, nor of any dictorial measure, nor of improper demands if the husband were self-sacrificing and worthy. Certainly no sane woman would hesitate to give submission to her own really righteous husband in everything. We are sometimes shocked to see the wife taking over the leadership of the family, naming the one to pray, the place to be, the things to do. ACR(Stockholm)1974:46-47
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Letter to the Saints at Ephesus in Asia Minor, about A.D. 62) Ephesians 5:22-24
There is no higher authority in matters relating to the family organization, and especially when that organization is presided over by one holding the higher Priesthood, than that of the father. The authority is time honored, and among the people of God in all dispensations it has been highly respected and often emphasized by the teachings of the prophets who were inspired of God. The patriarchal order is of divine origin and will continue throughout time and eternity. . . . This patriarchal order has its divine spirit and purpose, and those who disregard it under one pretext or another are out of harmony with the spirit of God's laws as they are ordained for recognition in the home. It is not merely a question of who is perhaps the best qualified. Neither is it wholly a question of who is living the most worthy life. It is a question largely of law and order. (1902; Juvenile Instructor, Gospel Doctrine, pp. 286-87) MPSG1988:226
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Letter from prison to the Church in Colossae, Asia Minor, about A.D. 60) Colossians 3:18
Related Witnesses:
quoted by John A. Widtsoe
It is not my general practice to counsel the sisters to disobey their husbands. . . . But I never counselled a woman to follow her husband to the Devil. (In Tabernacle, Sept. 11, 1853, JD1:77) DBY:200-01
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Paul writes to the Saints at Ephesus in Asia Minor, about A.D. 62) Ephesians 5:33
We hear much talk—even among some of our own sisters—about so-called "alternative life-styles" for women. It is maintained that some women are better suited for careers than for marriage and motherhood, or that a combination of both family and career is not inimical to either. Some have even been so bold as to suggest that the Church move away from the "Mormon woman stereotype" of homemaking and rearing children. God grant that dangerous philosophy will never take root among our Latter-day Saint women
I repeat: You are elect because you were elected to a certain work. How glorious is the knowledge that you are dignified by the God of heaven to be wives and mothers in Zion (Woman, p. 70) TLDP:390
442. Divorce contravenes the law of God.
The remedy for domestic problems and irritations is not divorce, but repentance. I am thoroughly convinced in my heart that this is true, and I hope you will approve of that interpretation. I am sure that there is much that can be done to lessen this great evil.
A long time ago I was a practicing attorney. I have investigated domestic problems. I have seen and tried divorce suits, and heard the evidence of the parties. As I look back over my experiences and observations, I can recall few instances where repentance of bad conduct on the part of the man or woman or both would not have been the answer. We are commanded to repent of all sin, and while I hesitate to say it for fear of hurting the feelings of some, I am constrained to believe that divorce is sin. If sin is an infraction of God's law, then surely this separation is in that category. There has been repeated before in our presence that great commandment:
"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
"And they twain shall be one flesh. . . .
"What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." [Mark 10:7-9
So divorce contravenes the law of God. There may be exceptions to be treated with some tolerance, but for my own part I am fearful of any interpretation which does not put divorce in the category of evil and sin. CR1954Oct:80
The word of the Lord is definite that when a man and a woman marry they become "one flesh," and therefore, they should never separate except where the most serious offenses in violation of the covenant warrant its being broken. Divorce is not a part of the gospel plan and there never would be any occasion for it if the man and his wife were sincerely, humbly, living in accordance with the gospel of Jesus Christ. It never could happen if the man and wife had in their hearts the pure love which they should hold for each other. No divorce ever comes where there is in the hearts of husband and wife, the pure love of Christ, for that love is based in righteousness, and righteousness is an enemy of sin. (The Restoration of All Things, p. 239) TLDP:396-97
Under the law of Moses, divorce came easily; but recently freed from Egyptian slavery, the chosen race had yet to attain the social, cultural, and spiritual stability that exalts marriage to its proper place in the eternal scheme of things. Men were empowered to divorce their wives for any unseemly thing. "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement."
No such low and base standard is acceptable under gospel law. Thus Jesus summarized his perfect marriage order by saying: "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Divorce is totally foreign to celestial standards, a verity that Jesus will one day expound in more detail to the people of Jewry. For now, as far as the record reveals, he merely specifies the high law that his people should live, but that is beyond our capability even today. If husbands and wives lived the law as the Lord would have them live it, they would neither do nor say the things that would even permit the fleeting thought of divorce to enter the mind of their eternal companions. Though we today have the gospel, we have yet to grow into that high state of marital association where marrying a divorced person constitutes adultery. The Lord has not yet given us the high standard he here named as that which ultimately will replace the Mosaic practice of writing a bill of divorcement. (The Mortal Messiah, 2:138-39) TLDP:397-98
In the light of scripture, ancient and modern, we are justified in concluding that Christ's ideal pertaining to marriage is the unbroken home, and conditions that cause divorce are violations of his divine teachings. Some of these are:
Unfaithfulness on the part of either the husband or wife, or both, habitual drunkenness, physical violence, long imprisonment that disgraces the wife and family, the union of an innocent girl to a reprobate—in these and perhaps other cases there may be circumstances which make the continuance of the marriage state a greater evil than divorce. But these are extreme cases—they are the mistakes, the calamities in the realm of marriage. If we could remove them I would say there never should be a divorce. It is Christ's ideal that home and marriage should be perpetual—eternal.
To look upon marriage as a mere contract that may be entered into at pleasure in response to a romantic whim, or for selfish purposes, and severed at the first difficulty or misunderstanding that may arise, is an evil meriting severe condemnation, especially in cases wherein children are made to suffer because of such separation. . . .
A child has the right to feel that in his home he has a place of refuge, a place of protection from the dangers and evils of the outside world. Family unity and integrity are necessary to supply this need. (Treasures of Life, pp. 66-67) TLDP:396
The ugly dragon of divorce has entered into our social life. Little known to our grandparents and not even common among our parents, this cancer has come to be so common in our own day that nearly every family has been cursed by its destructive machinations. This is one of the principal tools of Satan to destroy faith, through breaking up happy homes and bringing frustration of life and distortion of thought. ("Marriage and Divorce," Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year, 1976, p. 143) TLDP:397
Related Witnesses:
There never could be a divorce in this Church if the husband and wife were keeping the commandments of God. CR1949Apr:136
